From My Thumb

Dear Alan,
Congratulations on becoming Home Secretary. I hope that you will heed some of my advice although I am just a layman.

I live in Egypt (Cairo) and I would like you to know that, although Egypt is a developing country, no foreigner may enter Egypt without a proper visa . He can be Arab, African, Roumanian, Russian or even British. There are no "ifs" or "buts" here. When you enter Egypt you receive a visa for one month---if you wish to extend this visa you have to visit a grey, unwelcoming building called the Mogama. If you are no longer a tourist after one month, and cannot prove that you have an employer's backing, you are arrested and thrown out of the country.You may not try to pull the wool over the eyes of the people at Mogama---unlike many Egyptians they accept no bribes or whining.

What you need is a Mogama: a computer is anathema to them but the checks on immigrants go from a courteous smile to another man, another woman, another man, and so on. If you are illegal, you are illegal and your famous Ghana personality gets nowhere.

You could learn from this Mr Johnson, before the Birmingham et al figures rise from 50% immigrants to 70%.

After all, whose country is it?

Oh, Dear, by the time this short column is finished our Wee Gordon may have lost more than 4 ministers , local elections by the score and still be hanging on with his Scottish Terrier teeth. I cannot think of any other cabinet crumbling like a Hob Nob since Major's time. Sir John, of course, crumbled while enjoying the sweet delights of Edwina Currie---what a way to go. Unfortunately OOR WEE Gordon has no such distractions. Actually he has: Hazel of the Orange Angels has roared off into the sunset on her Harley; Jacqui is hiding in a video shop;John Hutton is weeping waterfalls as he departs and Ed Purnell, who is a capable sort, turned out to be a snake in the grass.

Gordon hangs on with tenacity and has told Ed Balls to wait for the Chancellorship (perhaps Ed, an arsecreeper of renown, will have to wait). His handling of childrens' affairs falls far short of protecting young ones. Dear Darling is saved, for now.

The new Home Secretary, Alan Johnson, who embraced Education and was spurned----mainly because he knew bugger -all about it, is no less equipped than Jacqui Smith---God help us. If he tightens up the borders I'll forgive him.

It's Guy Fawkes night in June. Who is going to be the Guy? Seriously, the cabinet is a mess, the opposition is gaining local election seats and King Cameron is now becoming a serious threat!

I have to admit that I have not blogged here for awhile because I owed my allegiance mainly to a blog site with many American friends. However, those friends turned against me when I pointed out that the Israelis had been a little "war-crime-like" in their attacks on Gaza. If you wish to aggravate Americans about Israel you mention harsh force with a bit of phosphorus thrown in! Friends become enemies rather quickly and the blogsite was becoming a little trashy anyway. I don't want to read about sick dogs, knitting or Born-again Christians who quote the bible at every opportunity.

I am not un-Christian but I don't want to hear what vile, aggressive people we are every time I log in. Bias can be a good thing if it's reserved for the Labour Government, but not when you question quotes from a misleading handbook (The Bible), and try to make said Christians aware that the Bible is flawed in every way simply because it has been altered so much since it first appeared that it may as well have written by Enid Blyton.

Tomorrow I shall write about a prominent motorcyclist and a woman whose husband has a penchant for ordering porn films. Most order a Chinese---his Chinese has a little twist about it.