From My Thumb

What can you expect from Spy Britain in the next year? Well they have dustbins and waste under control. Now I hear they can tap everyone's phones (that's what the News says), and they're hoping to have everyone's DNA on file in a few years. It matters not when,or how, it'll probably happen. It seriously matters that a country that has complete control of its citizens has no idea how many citizens it has.

It seriously matters that a horde of asylum seekers, illegal immigrants and every other Tom, Dick and Harry is entering Britain and, get this, applying for, and getting benefits. And no-one has control. When did Britain become Father Christnmas? Quite a while ago, actually. I think we'd be shocked if we knew the real figures. Millions being paid to people from Africa,Asia, the Middle East, Eastern Bloc countries etc. Yet we can't equip our loyal soldier lads in Afghanistan properly.

And Crime? Don't worry: Father Christmas understands that if you let people live here for free (or virtually free), and they come from elsewhere, a modicum of restraint is necessary.I mean, take it easy when you blame little bastards with no standards and poor parental control for having guns and knives and Ninja stars and pot pipes. Sheesh, they're in the blessed land. Don't, for God's sake blame them--it could be construed as racial criticism (or even guilt complex when it comes to Polish thieves), --just relax while Britain self-destructs.

The news from the good old rootin' tootin' shootin' USA is that Blackwater, a mercenary army (sanctioned by Bush but probably encouraged by Cheney), is shootin' up the streets of Baghdad. I didn't know GW was so short of troops. And I didn't know that these guys were a law unto themselves. I hear the Aussies are doing it now.

Let's forget humour and rumour: The fact is Blackwater takes the law into its own hands (I'm not mentioning incidents), and is running around in a City with enough problems, causing more mayhem than a lynch party in sixties Alabama. In Fact, let me re-phrase that: Some Yankees still think they are party to a lynching job.

Let me, a layman and free-lancer, give them advice that will probably not be noticed: Your heads are thicker than the butts of your M16's. Get the F**k out of a soldiers' party.

I have often thought that vitriol is sometimes seen as negative and should perhaps be toned down. It IS NEGATIVE because of the fury that provokes comment on some of the things that occur in Britain today. This is 2007 yet we see mismanagement, mispolicing and absurd criminal behaviour and disrespect for private life. I shall not tone down my vitriolic attacks because of absurd things that should not be happening in a First World country. Once a week, from now on, I shall be mean, aggressive, critical and frustrated about things happening in Britain:

So, FROMMYTHUMB presents: "Bent and Broken Britain."

* What on earth prevented two Community Support Officers from diving into a lake and pulling a boy out to safety. If I was a CSO it would be a knee-jerk reaction. If I was a human being it would be a knee-jerk reaction. What happened? Could the Cso's not swim or try to swim? Do you obey health and safety orders when a boy is sinking to his death? Are you scared you'll be fired for jumping in or is it true that a lot of British people have not yet learnt to swim. Give me a break. I'd put my job on the line to save a drowning child.

* News continually filters through from the Portuguese press that some mishap happened to Madeleine McCann. The latest is that she fell down some steps. Jeez, where do they get these stories? I read over the weekend that the Portuguese press is starved for news and that idiot coppers supply them with what they need. Those same Inspector Clouseaus, who couldn't find a Hummer in a shopping Mall, are still at it. Spread dirt, vindicate us, admire us for our consistent plodding. I'm a small word in a large dictionary but I suggest they lay off and realise they're wasting time thinking of "supposed" theories and start (again) looking for the girl. Leave the McCanns alone to grieve and use every method they can to look for the missing Maddie. And for F***s sake, Policia and news-starved Portuguese press, stay away. I suggest you leave the speculation to a more sensible country's press. Get back on the trail of the girl Amigos and stop worrying about your ten daily coffee breaks.

* I do not know what to say about a teenager who is forced into a quarry lake and stoned to death. No matter what he did, it is obvious that violence is at a higher level than we can imagine.Is it possible that we are learning punishment methods used in Iran and Nigeria or are we simply becoming a society out of control? The entire crime is disgusting and appalling and we need to know more about the backgrounds of the criminals who are destroying our society.

* 4 Angolan refugees are arrested for a Giro scam while,in their normal, lucky "break", they sit back on sofas bought with benefits and watch TV
bought with benefits, then proceed to build a hotel in Luanda using those benefits. Who is controlling Britain and its borders? Is this country handing out Smarties to every Tom, Dick and Harry? Have we lost the plot? Don't we realise that our high crime levels are due to these conniving B**S who see Britain as an easy touch? This probably happens a thousand times over all around Britain.

* I note from the Daily Mail that the appelation Polish Plumber is becoming obsolete. Now it has become "Polish thief". Sounds rather biased doesn't it but apparently the Poles are not backward in taking a little treasure from their employers and getting benefits in Britain and in Poland. How very neat.

Read this column next week because I am not going to pull any punches!