If anyone knows how to destroy a country it is Comrade "General" Robert Mugabe. He could spend years on the lecture circuit citing his methods for turning one of the Worlds top tobacco producers into a barren wasteland full of dead maize plants. He could include the following points in his lectures (perhaps the first one will be in Johannesburg):

* How I fooled everyone by seeming to love my country.
* How I took out my hatred for Tony on the white farmers.
* How I gave my buddies(who have not learnt how to grow a radish), some really nice farms.
* How I taught 20 year olds to become war veterans.
* How I taught the war veterans to take over productive farms and turn them into barren wasteland.
* How I taught my buddy veterans to defecate on carpets left behind by white farmers.
* How I stopped smoking in Zimbabwe by trashing every leaf of tobacco.
* How I made the price of food and fuel rocket and broke records by reaching 1700% inflation.
* How I fucked up a bread basket and turned it into a sterile, barren landscape.
* How I beat up the opposition.
* And, for good measure, how I bulldozed Harare to keep the city clean.

Seriously though, this madman, a senile Mobutesque creature, has shown the World how not to rule a country. I cry for Zimbabwe and I hope Comrade Robert gets his comeuppance soon.He is a random haemhorroid (sic?) on the great continent of Africa.

Here is the gist of what I read in the Zimbabwe Herald yesterday. I shall not quote because this extremely biased newspaper does not permit comment or e-mails. I shall ban it from my memory (except to comment on its lunatic writings), as it bans me from freedom of expression:

Morgan Tsvangirai, leader of the opposition MDC was beaten up by Mugabe's thugs because he led a meeting to protest about Comrade Mugabe's lack of effective leadership. That is, in essence, what happened. Then the Zimbabwean press had a field day, writing in poor English (what are fora?) about Mr Tsvangirai. He had broken the law. He had not pursued the normal channels of legal protest. He had provoked the government.

This crappy little newsletter had the gall to say that laws were broken by the MDC when Mugabe and his twisted henchmen break the law every day.If you own property legally and it is taken over illegally, is that not breaking the law? That is what happened to thousands of white farmers in Zimbabwe.

President Mugabe, he of the Hitleresque moustache and the anti-British swagger, is going to go too far one day soon and he'll regret it. Unfortunately "too far" is not enough to save the maize lands and the tobacco crop. What tobacco crop?